my daddy

So today is the day when it was finalized threw my dad's biopsy that he has cancer...he is in Cincinnati's Va Hospital.

My dad has it in his Lung, Pancreas, Liver, Abdomen, an Kidney...they are doin a catscan on his brain as well to see if any has gotten there. Chemo we arent sure will help him at this point...he has been the hospital since Nov. 13th...he was only in there for bronchitis an a touch of amonia, now it is something stronger something worse something that will eventually take his life...i wanted a painless death for my parents i dont want him to suffer...

He told me on the phone today not to worry so much about him, an that he has lived a long life....an GOD know's what he is doin up there! He is tryin to be strong for us he knows we love him so much...i dont want to make this harder on my dad to deal with the fact of cancer...but i PRAY for so much more time i know age doesnt matter but i am only 23 i dont want to lose my dad...i dont think anyone is ever ready to lose a loved one especially their child or parents i suppose are the hardest! I just have to take the tim ei have left with him, hopefully they will let him come home no one has told me what stage cancer he is in! they just know it has spread threw out his major organs. i guess i will find out more during this week...

Sad holiday once again, gramps last year i didnt want to celebrate turkey day felt empty..an now this year bad news all over again...i just wish he was home for turkey day. thats all i want let him be home by christmas i want to spend the holidays with my family together makin memories!

just keep in thoughts an prayers an as well i hope everyone enjoys their family an never takes them for granted!!!

catchin up

So i have had a crazy week 46 hours an my car gets worked on tomorrow an the lovely JIMMY i just put 530.00 in is now f***ing UP again:O( the transmission this time 700-1000.00 go figure my luck

just whn i think things cant get worse,hmmmm they do my dad is in the hospital his white blood cell count is very low, an his lungs have somethin wrong with them...an not even two days ago he called me tryin to get me to get ahold of joe but i was at work, he needed a ride to work an back or to borrow the SUV so he wont lose his job...now he is in the hospital GOD I HOPE HE IS ok...i want to go see him but i dont have any money once i fix my car thank god i am riding with my mom Saturday to Brandis baby shower otherwise i would be home bound with bay bay gifts...i dont know have alot of feelings right now losin my apetite hopin things work out in are favor an just praying something good comes from all of this!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopeful

I love ashely so very much i enjoy the fact i can trust her an know she will be there for me when i need her ...it is great to have friends especially cause i can say she CARES!!!!Today was a really hard day for me an i was able to side track my head an focus on other things. Debbie had a meetin so she wasnt able to come sit with me like she said ..i understand, it is all good.

Thinkin of Scrapbookin day lookin for my stuff from my gramps funeral heathers wedding miranda an uncle melvin an uncle dallas funeral gettin pics an thigns ready...not sure when ash an i will get togehter an scrapbook but will be awesome when we do so much fun YAY.


Thankgoodness for friends LOVE THEM SO VERY MUCH

Grateful Kimmy

Happy Halloween

So HALLOWEEN time:O)

Ok so today i ventured off into the world an picked up ashley YAY i am so proud of me had to turn around lol but it is all good, an drove home 270 got off at hamilton an went the wrong way which is no biggy my hubby talked me threw it as i turned around crying no literally i was in tears sayin i need a NAVAGATION system .i am not a damn map. lol. i was a little frustrated but all good. went trick or treatin in bexley an taken coy to Abbie Trails tomorrow she is so cute she says trick or treat an thank you how polite i raised such a sweety:O) I then brought coy home to immediatly leave again for gas in the car 20.15:P an then my mom talked about needing my mammaws meds picke dup in the morning if i could do that lol even though it closer for her to do it i said i would go an get it. no need to say no when i am aviable to get it. all in all today was a good day an as well learning experience whatever way i decide to go go the other one lol

so blah blah

Ok, so today i found out my complete work schedule for the most important holidays by all for me Thanksgiving i work the saturday before an the saturday after..so in which this means i can not attend the party at my friend Debbies place on the 22nd:O( makes me sad, but i want the holiday off as well so beggers cant be choosey i suppose!
then again for Christams an New Years...i cant wait to get my mouth down at the beginning of the year so I can go into my field an use my Associate Degree instead of wasting away in a freakin warehouse...

i was tryin to cheer up my sister today at work....we obviously no this is gonna be a hard week on us, due to are gramps one year anniversary an i saw her about to breakdown so i flew my tushy around booty bumped her lol an almost knocked her down, I know i am awesome Right? lol. I love her so much an she is worried about her dog Gus he has had alot of seizures this past couple days she doesnt feel like he will be alive when she gets home! I put a brave face on an said "if you feel he is suffering you should let him go!" wise words said to me once with my Dutchypoo..before i put her down from her unwinning battle with cancer.

i know i am a strong person an i try so hard to keep things in but i will admit without ranting to some very few close friends of mine i probably would not be as strong as i am ..my friends are my foundation an i am the crappy house lol.
on a brighter note Sequoia is doin awesome on hte potty. I am just so proud of her, it is like she knew it was time or something but i guess i am forcing bedtime to quickly i said to Jason i was gonna let her wear big girl panties to bed an wake her up every couple of hours to try the potty lol an he said that i am forcing her...he says his mom says that coy is to little yet to understand about bedtime because there is a muscle down there she cant control yet? yea whatever...

A firm bbeliever my daughter can control her body just fine.lol.

So Hello there my name is Kimberley Rutter an I offically Rock.lol JK. my friend Ashley has a blog an i decided hey might as well. Go on an Express myself:O)

Little info important numbers:

I am 23 years young (7-17-1985)

I have been with my husband for 6 an a half years

married for 4 years

my daughter Sequoia is 3 (5-30-05)

people say death happens in threes but of course in my life they happen by 4..which hopefully no more deaths this year not sure how to handle them praying helps but not like i would hope, crying sucks, an time is amazing.

My gramps passed 11-1-07...year anniversary coming soon..

My uncle dallas passed away 2-4-08

my step sister miranda 2-18-08

an then of course my uncle Melvin in July

my aunt is evil she said the next one to go will be my grams ...i feel annoyed because my grams is having such a hard time with my gramps bein gone that it is so hard for her she ended up havin to get a pace maker back in january..i so wasnt ready to be back in grant but of course where the flock leads me i follow...she was a trooper throw the surgery everythign went great. now she is on coumden which was what my gramps was on crap is really hard on the body...she has lost alot of weight.

i work at sears holdings an dealin with day to day drama im not one for the ups an downs of life an i am very quiet an kept to myslef but very open an carefree to my emotions an hopeful to a brighter future i love family an friends an yet i love alone time since i never relax.